The Life Coach

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

No. Why would it?

Ever heard, “Out of sight, out of mind”?

Why would feelings grow for someone who’s not around, unless the idea of them not being around is what you like?

Which is probably what most men like, right?

When does "the guy I'm dating" become "my boyfriend"?

After you have The Talk.

No girl can assume a guy is her boyfriend. Unless she’s in sixth grade.

We broke up over six months ago. Why is my ex still contacting me?

Because he cannot get anyone else, and he most likely realizes — too late — that he fucked up.

Men always want what they can’t have. It’s the hunt in them.

Erase him from your life. Pronto.

Words To Live By:

Everything is better on the dl.

At what point after a breakup do you know you're ready to date again?

There is no point. You have to try and see how you feel.

It’s like telling yourself you won’t drink again after a bad hangover. At some point, you can drink again with no problem.

You may remember that bad hangover, but it doesn’t stop you from drinking again.

Go drink.

Is it ever okay to cheat?

It’s always okay to cheat.

You should not live life depriving yourself of anything. It’s better to cheat once than to live a life of wondering what it’s like. Depriving yourself of anything is a surefire way to crave it more.

Sometimes the fire gets extinguished. Actually, it almost always does. So you cheat. You can love someone and still cheat.

But never tell the guy you cheated on him. There are only two people you need to lie to: the cops and your husband. Remember that.

If you feel guilty, too bad. Guilt comes along with the decision to cheat. If you’re going to try it, be prepared.

You’re awfully obsessed with this cheating topic. You need to watch “In Treatment” on HBO asap.

Why is love blind?

Love isn’t blind. Women are stupid.

Question from Kelly: "He's hot, you are horny and know he is the only one who bangs you right. However, he has no intention of ever being a boyfriend. How do you prevent yourself from contacting a guy for sex?"

Like I have said to many a woman, erase his number from your phone. I don’t  know why this is such a foreign concept. Delete it; move on.

Delete his email address, too. And if you happen to get an email from him, delete it.

If you allow someone to treat you with no respect in the beginning, they will never change their way of viewing you.

You need to make people respect you, and cut off the ones that don’t.

How To Get Over Someone, Step By Step

I told you: booze and time.

1) Hit the bars, belly up. Do SoCo and lime shots.

2) Listen to U2, Coldplay, and Tracy Chapman, bringing yourself one step closer to being Heath Ledger.

3) Wake up the next day, and realize you’re a pussy.

4) Eat a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich with a Gatorade.

Repeat cycle for 2 months. You will be over it.

How do you get over someone?

Time and booze. No particular order.